Hell..

and again, it has been a while since i posted anything here. well, here's my excuse. i was in the midst of a certain ordeal (i would like to describe it as this now that it is over; prior to this it would have been a more positive word). it scares me now when i think about it, sending shivers down my spine. although frightening, i have survived and stuck to my principles in life. no matter the situation, i want to gain something out of it. lessons like these are hard to come by, considering the amount of pain that one must be put through in order to learn.

torment, torture, turmoil, tragedy. what an arrangement. who would have thought? one may think that adversities like these would probably belong to the big screen, albeit there are certainly exceptions, however the likelihood. i have gone through all of these in a span of seven months, experiencing the totality of them. utmost pain. i cannot but describe it as hell. i thought that i had stepped through the gates of hell and arrived at the doorstep of the devil. how horrifying it was.

where was God? i asked. i knew what the answer was. He was, and is, and forever shall be, right beside me. however, the situation was such that this answer was unable to provide comfort and consolation anymore. here i was, in the face of pure adversity, where my faith was questioned by the very people who encouraged me to believe in it. how hurt i was. never in my life was my faith shaken. God was all i believed in. and yet now, my faith has wavered. has God forsaken me? for the very first time in my 27 years, i have opened the door for the evil one to come in and try to buy over my soul.

God, if you can read this. please, help me.