A Special Day

today is a day for celebration. something special happened. really special. i am no longer the same person anymore. 'this time i know it's for real'. thank you donna summers. i have entered a new realm of my life. at this point of time, i have lots of mixed feelings. happiness, completeness, excitement, joy and fear as well. you might wonder why the last one is fear. i'm scared because this means a new chapter of my life. a new dimension. a transition. i'm scared of new challenges and obstacles that i will face in the near future but i also want to face them and conquer them. i have never felt like this before. maybe this is the real deal. and i'm glad this is it. i hope i will be able to take whatever that comes and i will have the motivation to be the best person i know how. i hope this is the last station.

all's mambo that ends well.. really well.. lol. in a bang baby..

Lord God, i pray to you that whatever that comes now will be a fresh learning experience for me and you will grant me the strength to overcome all obstacles, the optimism to face all challenges and the wisdom to handle all difficulties. thank you for everything once again. amen.

Dramatic Movie..

what a weird movie outing i had yesterday night. of all the people in the world, i had to bump into my ex-girlfriend. i thought i would never see her again. sigh.. God.. why? i guess i will never know what was the purpose of that meeting and i don't really wish to know. to top it all, she was with her NEW bf. no, please don't be mistaken. i'm not jealous at all. i'm glad she managed to move on and forget about me. please go on without me. i'll be most happy. i'm just pondering why am i still drowning in this guilt trip while she has moved on? whatever happened to the "i may not ever find another guy again because of you"? and the "i'll never forget you"? lol. i find this hilariously ironic. but i would still punch myself in the face and tell myself it's my mistake yet again to have believed yet another girl. what must it take for me to learn not to believe the noble words of the glorious species of irony? well, i already knew she has moved on about 6 months back and got together with him. i just didn't want to say anything but seeing her before my eyes hugging another guy was a tad difficult to swallow.

i always like to put myself through the rough edges. i'm not one who would give myself little pats on the back to make myself feel better. i prefer to go through the 18 levels of hell and come back up, emerging stronger, smarter and better than before. i tend to take all responsibilities and usually they are bad. when something good happens, i put it as the kind acts of others and not myself. no, i'm no angel. please do not misinterpret my writings again. just my minute effort of staying humble. and while something bad happens, i would slap myself and wonder why i would let anything like that happen in the first place. it's illogical to me but i still do it. i say illogical because how does one actually make another person put him on a guilt trip and then suck out all forms of sympathy and then go on to greener pastures, leaving the former bellowing in pain and guilt? do i have the ability to do that? i'm appalled. nevertheless, life still goes on.

there. i've finally let everything out. i feel much better now. it's over and i should be looking into the future. :) thank God i still have mambo. and to think i nearly gave up mambo for her. sheesh.. lol.

all's mambo that ends well.. :)

Just another night..

sigh.. it's another night at the usual place. there weren't many people there "tonight" (or should i say last night? lol.) mostly regulars perhaps. but it was quite comfortable to dance. haven't had this kind of space and comfort for some time. feels good actually. lol.

the dj was crazy and so was i. lol. he basically blasted all the nice songs in a row and left himself nothing to play for the rest of the night. and i think i did some really silly stuff. lol. not that i don't do silly stuff on a daily basis, but i made everyone in my group laugh quite a bit. i can't help myself! i think i'm getting really crazy because i'm studying psychology. ok.. wrong explanation! somehow it's my personality. i wish i could describe this as my character but it doesn't connect. clowning around is not character. it is personality. did i just tell everyone that i'm a clown? omg..

and actually i'm going to study for a bit first before i head to bed. yes.. i'm crazy. but no, this is actually the kind of sacrifice that i have to make if i want to go out and play. i acknowledge this kind of sacrifice. for me, if i want to mambo, i have to finish my work no matter what. discipline is what i lack and i know that too. that's why i'm pushing myself even harder in my studies. ultimately, if i don't study, i die (you know i'm talking metaphorically right?). lol.

i haven't danced like this in a while. thank you dj for the night.

all's mambo that ends well..