Someone Special..

something really special happened recently and i haven't actually put it up here. i don't know if it is a good thing or a bad thing; from the eyes of the public, it is horrendous; in my eyes, it is beautiful; i hope it is the same from 'another' perspective. i find myself doing the most awkward things. is it a case of 'you-need-to-be-different-from-other-people' syndrome? or is it a case of 'abnormality' within my psychological self? you know how it is about the 'self' that it constantly seeks to be different from other people, yet still strives to maintain a form of homogeneity so as not to be 'weird' or too 'unique' that it disturbs 'standards' or 'norms' ever so prevalent in society? anyway, back to my main point. lol. i just wish to express my thanksgiving here because i haven't had the chance to before Christmas, Christmas Eve, and New Year's Eve itself. although i did say a little prayer in my heart, i need to have like a proper physical outward expression of the gratitude that i have for God and his blessings upon me. although i'm going through a really weird situation (i'm always going through weird situations.. =p), at least i think i'm being put through a trial where i will have a great reward awaiting me at the end of it all (i hope!). i don't know how this will end, but the ending is not what i'm looking at. it really doesn't matter what ending, but of course if it is in my favour, i'll grab it! lol. anyway, giving something to hold on to for life is more important than anything else and i hope to be able to give someone a little bit of my life. life-giving. something i learnt from someone else. it is quite something to be able to give life. i do hope down the road, this person will remember me for this, if i'm not around. if we are by each other's side, i hope she won't live to regret it. 'nuff said. i need to zen out. lol.

p.s. i love you.

Next Draft..

Preface

I do not know how this actually happened. I guess writing was not what I intended to do but inspiration overwhelmed me and this is the product of that little inspiration. Inspiration is such an underrated seed of faith, or so I would like to call it. A piece of literature, in any form, is a beautiful piece of art that was at first, just a tiny seed of inspiration, which miraculously and supernaturally formed in the minds of writers. This inspiration would soon become a sprout of faith, a hope that one day it will become a work of fine art, to inspire and encourage; to soothe and calm; to work its way into people’s lives and touch them. With enough water, sunshine and nutrients, I do hope this seed that I decide to sow here will one day do the same for anyone, who by any chance, managed to find this, and read it.

This seed is precious, because it is genuine and truthful, without taint nor blemish, written with a heart of faith, hope, and inspiration.

To be able to write this, I must first of all thank the people who have subtly or overtly, in some way or other, good or bad, inspired, encouraged, and motivated me to translate that tiny seed of inspiration in me into this faith. I sincerely hope that this seed of inspiration and sprout of faith will one day grow and be a good source of comfort to anyone who finds it.

First draft.. :)

Preface

I do not know how this actually happened. I guess writing was not what I intended to do but inspiration overwhelmed me and this is the product of that little inspiration. Inspiration is such an underrated seed of faith, or so I would like to call it that. A piece of literature, in any form, is a beautiful art piece that was at first, just a tiny seed of inspiration, which was miraculously and supernaturally formed in the minds of writers. This inspiration would soon become a sprout of faith, a hope that one day it will become a work of fine art, to inspire and encourage; to soothe and calm; to work its way into people’s lives and touch them. With enough water, sunshine and nutrients, I do hope this seed that I decide to plant here will one day do the same for anyone, who by any chance, picked this up and reads it.

To be able to write this, I must first of all thank the people who have subtly or overtly, in some way or other, good or bad, inspired, encouraged, and motivated me to translate that tiny seed of inspiration in me into this faith. I sincerely hope that this seed of inspiration and sprout of faith will one day grow and be a good source of comfort to anyone who finds it.

Hell..

and again, it has been a while since i posted anything here. well, here's my excuse. i was in the midst of a certain ordeal (i would like to describe it as this now that it is over; prior to this it would have been a more positive word). it scares me now when i think about it, sending shivers down my spine. although frightening, i have survived and stuck to my principles in life. no matter the situation, i want to gain something out of it. lessons like these are hard to come by, considering the amount of pain that one must be put through in order to learn.

torment, torture, turmoil, tragedy. what an arrangement. who would have thought? one may think that adversities like these would probably belong to the big screen, albeit there are certainly exceptions, however the likelihood. i have gone through all of these in a span of seven months, experiencing the totality of them. utmost pain. i cannot but describe it as hell. i thought that i had stepped through the gates of hell and arrived at the doorstep of the devil. how horrifying it was.

where was God? i asked. i knew what the answer was. He was, and is, and forever shall be, right beside me. however, the situation was such that this answer was unable to provide comfort and consolation anymore. here i was, in the face of pure adversity, where my faith was questioned by the very people who encouraged me to believe in it. how hurt i was. never in my life was my faith shaken. God was all i believed in. and yet now, my faith has wavered. has God forsaken me? for the very first time in my 27 years, i have opened the door for the evil one to come in and try to buy over my soul.

God, if you can read this. please, help me.

To My Best Friend..

it has always been a joy for me to read other people's blog but my best friend's blog, or rather his wife's and his blog, has been a wondrous little mini journal to read. how i envy the both of them. they are meant for each other i must say. just perfect. and every time i think of bliss, i'll think of them. if there's ever anything that i can dedicate to the both of them, it will have to be the pinnacle of joy and happiness. i'm really glad to see them so happy together. you know some people just ooze bliss out of them? you really got to see them to believe it. of course marriage is absolutely not anything like a cupcake, where sugar and cream is everywhere. every other couple quarrels, but ultimately, it is how they come to an agreement that matters. sometimes i really wonder how they manage to do it. for me, i'm having a helluva trouble even trying to get someone to quarrel with, to say the least. haha!

so well.. i just like to say HAVE FUN BUDDY, all your life..

Here I Am Again.. Better And Stronger..

i have decided not to stop writing. i thought i was going to, until someone special actually left me a note telling me not to due to one really special reason that left me tearing a bit. this is further confirmed by another person close to my heart. i felt really inspired to continue contributing my two cents, and here it is.

the past three months have been quite an eye-opener. it was like i became another person totally. it had the strangest effect on me. this period has taught me many things. too many things. to people in search of themselves, please, do yourself a favor and never stop searching. alas, in the course of searching, you may tend to lose yourself to your surroundings. what i mean is, norms will be norms. do not ever conform to norms, for you will never find yourself in norms. do not let other comments shape your search for your true self. be true to yourself. if that is not you, do not follow it. it is a simple thing to say, but probably the hardest thing to do. believe me. i have just gone through it. and i have found myself. through the hard way, sad to say. there are many obstacles to finding your true self, and a pity, that relationships tend to be one such obstacle.

relationships are wonderfully created for the joy of people, and intimate relationships, for the betterment of two people. why i mention that relationships may act as an obstacle to finding your true self is because, if either one party dominates the relationship, which is actually a matter of fact and is also a separate topic altogether, he or she may just cause you to change your behavior to suit him or her. and, that is not being true to yourself. of course, there is also the element of compromise. however, when push becomes shove, i really do not think that it is appropriate to compromise anymore. whatever i just said is just in a nutshell. i would love to be more detailed in my expression, but i would like to leave it to a probable thesis, which i may write in due time.

well, i do not know what to write anymore. i shall just sign off here i guess. thank you for reading. cheers.

The End Is Near..

whatever happened just now was like a dream. a dream come true. the search is over, so is the mortality of this blog. i plan to pen my life down on paper instead as it seems more personal this way. and i would like to present it to someone as a gift when i have finished writing. this blog has been with me for a while but i may have neglected it to a certain extent. haha.. i really didn't mean for it to happen but it seems that whatever i wanted to write might have been a tad too personal and sometimes sensitivity and prudence had to come in play.

today was a very inspirational day for me. never have i experienced this. nobody in this world has yet given me, or presented me, such a gift till today. i now have two treasures stored in my room. treasures of life. life-giving treasures. few people would be able to appreciate what i possess now. in fact, i don't even know if anybody would be able to appreciate.

i never thought i would be able to touch someone's life in such a big way. nor have i thought that someone will be able to touch my life in such a big way. (see footnote) i am a gift. a gift to someone special. and i feel appreciated. at last. i am honoured and privileged to be your gift. and you, are a treasure to me. a life-giving treasure. a treasure that only God can give.

life is beautiful, if you choose to make it beautiful. make your choice wisely.

whatever is good, is not easy.

* to pineapple tart: see.. it is not the difference that complement each other.. hahaha!